I’m really not one for New Year’s Resolutions- I’m a very goal oriented person, but I’ve never really gotten into the whole idea of making resolutions. I feel resolutions are general- goals are specific. It is easy to fall off our resolution wagon when our resolutions are as simple as “eat healthier” or “save more money”. Instead, I feel it should be more like “lose 10lbs” or “pay off my car”. We have to have a way to measure our goals so we can claim success and hold ourselves accountable.
I’ve been thinking a lot about 2020 and what I want to accomplish this year. I feel like this year is going to be a year to focus on myself and becoming the best version of Bailey that I can. I’m not married nor do I have children so I have the ability to focus on myself and becoming more and more the woman I need to be.
I’ve not shared this much publicly, because who enjoys sharing losses or difficult seasons of life? In addition, up until this point I did not really feel I had enough time to reflect and be able to adequately express how I have grown and how I have learned. A couple years ago, I got engaged to my boyfriend at the time. Unfortunately, about a month after he proposed we called off the engagement. It was very sad and difficult, but ultimately what was best for us both. But, sometimes what is best is the most painful and it was very, very painful.
However, I have had a lot of time to think, reflect, and grow from that experience. I learned much about myself, relationships, but most importantly what I did not have. I allowed myself to become so caught up in being a couple and wanting to be someone’s wife- I stopped being an individual. If I had gotten married when I had planned, I certainly would not be the person I am today, but more importantly, I wouldn’t be a whole person. I would have just been a half of a whole.
After the relationship ended, I did a lot of praying and thinking. Who is Bailey? Who does Bailey want to be? Not what does my husband/parents/friends want, but what do I want? And most importantly- what does God want for me?
I say all this to say I have learned- you have to be a whole person before you can become part of a couple. You cannot lean on others to fulfill your desires and needs because that is not their job. You will never be able to be content with someone else, unless you are first content with yourself.
In pursuit of being content with myself, I have realized that before I get married I need 3 things: 1) spiritual goals, 2) financial goals, 3) fun/adventure goals. Below, I have written out some of mine (more to come)- daily quiet time qualifies as spiritual, pay off schooling is a financial goal, and then the rest fall into “fun” goals. I think it’s very important to have fun goals as much as anything else. You need to find ways to push yourself and keep learning about who you are as an individual. Read books, learn to knit, go camping, climb a mountain, try a new gym class- whatever floats your boat!
I want to kind of chronicle these goals of mine because it’s a journey I’m on and I’m hoping that through sharing my story I can encourage other women to do the same. Create goals, pursue an education/a career, find what gives you peace, learn why God put you on this earth.
You are not a half waiting to be a whole. You are complete just the way you are. However, every one of us has room to grow and learn, take this time to do that.
More to come!